Straight Jacket Fashion

I am stupid,stupid, STUPID. I still like Andy, like alot and sadly there is nothing I can do about it. It turns my stomach to know he likes another girl and I hate the fact I'm not perfect for him to like me back. Holy crap I am truly pathetic. I'll get over it eventually, I have to because I still want to be his friend but wow it sucks for now. I realy will be okay. Atleast I think I'm moving soon so that'll help(bonus I'll be FAR way from Brooke). And I started being a dumb person again. Today is sucking tremedously. And I have to hang-out with Brooke today and I realy wish I could just go plummtining headfirst off a bridge at the moment. There it is again, the ever present suicidal tendencies that lay within every person mind, I'm just twisted enough to actually put it in writing though. I just need to forget everyone and everything and I'll be ok.

Evil Angel

Things are seemingly going ok. But seemingly is a damn deadly word. My "second-best friend" called me pathetic and basically said if I was going to do something I might as well just kill myself. Which she doesn't get is allways on my mind and a large possibility, moron. And she threw a tantrum over the computer and almost hit me with this heavy wooden chair, ya love ya too Brookie, so of course I have to punish myslef for making her do it. I am blaming myself again for my parents problems and I am begining to develop a plan(write more later?) I want to be happy and things to be ok but stuff allways seems to happen to set me back and start my self-hate allover again. Gotta go see what's wrong with my sister, write again eventually.

You Live, You Learn

Ok so lets review:

1.Boring Field Trip Yestersay
2.Robert and I take wrong bus
3.Spring Break Starts
4.Jesse tells me he still likes me
5.Mayde tells me who she actually likes
6.Andy dumps me

Ya I feel asleep during the movie and Kae tickled me so I fell out of my seat like a spaz. I was following Paul and Robert was following me and we went the wrong way. 3 is self-explanatory. Jesse and I are close friends and he likes my friends Mayde but just wants a gf. Shawn was supposidly going to ask me out but I went out w/ Andy because Mayde "liked" Shawn, but in reality she likes some one else. And I'm slowly getting over #6.

Start From Skratch

Well I would like to start this out as a retraction for ever thinking Andy would cheat on me, sorry babe i love you. Next I would like to profess my undying dislike for that stupid skank Katie. Ok now that that is settled details will begin.

1)Katie is evil and deserves everything Robert said to her, yes even the moo-ing.
2)My friends SUCK, minus like 4, seriously I would have their backs in a fight or even an argument in a heartbeat but they won't even stick up for me. Ya go to hell! You guys are cool to be around but when it comes down to it you'r not there thanx how helpful.
3) I was incredibly wrong about Andy. But for the one person who knows my entire history(Sadie) it'd be understandable I guess, but not excusable.
4)It is not my fault if the world is going to hell, the world already is hell. I need to stop taking responsibility for other peoples problems and deal with mine.
5) It's ok to make mistakes,as long as you learn from them.
6)What happend in the past needs to stay there and I have to learn to get over it, most of it happend nine years ago and it still stresses me out. I'll be ok if I just let it go and forget.
7)My real friends,Brooke Sadie and Robert plus my bf Andy, are the coolest people ever and everyone else could just go die.
8)My parents problems are not my problems, nor are they my fault.
9)It'll all be ok, one of these days it'll all make sense.
10)Death is not allways the answer. Pure rage is.

Those are the things I must convince myself of, though #1,3,7 are COMPLETELY true and I already know this.

I Can't Stand You

today was great,until the end of the day.

Lets start with the good.
That girl Katie thought it would bother me if she talked about me. It didn't, so I got some enjoyment from her idiocy. All that means is that I got to her with what I said and if she's trying to get me back she's going to have to work a little harder. Then I was happy being around Andy. And 6th period we did nothing. Then my dad was late so I took the bus and he actually came so he made me feel guilty about it. This guy told me I looked like a hooker. And the worst news. This other guy on my bus told me Andy has been cheating on me with like 2 other girls. So ya I'm going to confront him then probly break-up with him depending on what he says. The crappy part about it is that I was actually falling for him and he did that. All guys suck! Oh and Katie and Moreeta are now "friends" but Katie is still talking to her, but I'll let her figure that one out on her own because it's her own fault for trusting that stupid nvm no good words come to mind.

The New Dark Ages

I'm extremely bored so this is what becomes of it I suppose. I am watching my 2year old little sister so my mom can go to a Drowning Pool/Saliva concert, without me. It sucks pretty bad but autographs may come of it I suppose. Today was uneventful for the most part. My parentals argued(usual occurance), went grocery shoping(gag me w/ a spoon), drank lotz of coffee because sleep is bad because dreams are starting to horrify me, and killed a butterfly on this skirt so I will actually wear it. Ya dull.
The whole sleep deprivstion thing is because I either have the same dream every night or I have a night terror, ya no fun at all. Since I'm bored as hell and having nothing better to do I shall describe the dream.
Dream(ignore):
Running through a dark forest with roots covering the ground. I'm wearing this white long dress but it has blood splatter all over it. these three hooded creatures are following me. then one pops out of the ground. a root raps around my feet and i trip into it's arms. so now there are 4 creatures. they take off their hoods, the three chasimg me are my mom,my stepdad, and my g-ma. the one holding me is my real dad. then the one holding me has like a dry ice blade pop out of his hand and he slits by throat then they disapear. and i'm left bleeding. then the tree roots slowly rap around my legs, causing massive pain and bleeding, and eventually completely cover me until i'm at the point of suffication. then i wake up.
ya so sleep=bad.

Build Your Own Disaster

Today sucked, as do most days. Things were going ok, minus the fact that I had only gotten 1.5 hrs of sleep, until 1st period. Then evil little meany head extrodinar opened her mouth and insulted my friend. My friend being Moreeta and evil being Katie. Well she know what's going on with her and she still continued to make fun of her until Moreeta was in tears. And what did Mrs. Mack(science teach) do? Absoulutely nothing. She heard them and did NOTHING. So needless to say I was so mad I was shaking, and I wanted to bash Katie's face in. But no matter I didn't because she has like 30ish lbs on me. So we tried to make Moreeta feel better but that wasn't very do able. So I'm MAD, and defeated. And I needed a hug, and the one person I needed one from wasn't there. grrrrr. And now I'm home babysitting my sister. Wow not fun, she's 2 and w/out a nap=/ Oh ya and I talked to Brock and he called me a liar and said that I made a lot of stuff up, but he said that they are giving up on fighting Andy and Shawn again. But the fact still reamains on wether you can trust someone who is dead to you.